25th April 2012
A lot has happened since I last wrote anything. I’ve sort of been out of it. Dealing with so many things on all levels, good, bad, and a lot of just life. Living here on Death Row is a world all of its own. The isolation, the confinement and over all oppression of the Administration, on down through the officers.
The abuse of authority to treat us worse than dogs one minute, then turn right around and act as if nothing happened, to pick and chose policy to suit them. There is no justice here. Justice stands for truth, right actions, fairness, yet there is nothing fair about how we are treated.
This place is getting worse for those of us who rock the boat who stand up for ourselves we are punished with extreme measures. Measures that are covered up in torture. To be stripped of everything, property, clothes, hygiene, everything! Naked! No mat to sleep on, no soap, no toilet paper and the cell lights kept on 24 hours aday and pulled out of your cell every 2 hours, while the guards bang on your cell door every 30 minutes, waking you up out of your sleep deprived stupor. Day after day. And the tempetures is freezing, your only food is a cornbread loaf type thing and the water is what they allow if they turn the water on. As you sit in your cell with faeces (crap/human waste) in the toilet, you begin to see things that are not there. You loose weight rapidly, your skin turns off colors, your cheeks sink in, your eyes turn hollow as the life is being drained out of you.
Why why why do they go to this— because they can and theres no one to stop them, until after they choose to stop! Because you protest they try to brake your protest.
As days bear on you and your fight for your sanity Death looses its bitter taste and begins to taste sweet as your mind begins to long for it– Death yes, Death will stop the pain, Death will stop the sorrow, yes Death will end the misery and you say it Just kill me and they smile, while you fall to the floor shaking the voices are laughing at you, the visions are tormenting you, Death you beg for it to take you and just as you believe it, will they stop only to come back again.
I have been stripped of something a part of me, my joy and happiness, because I can not get back who I was before, maybe in it all I lost a piece of my soul.
Thankyou for listening
Will Speer April 2012